Science Test Results

The following are all quotes from 11 year old's science exams:

• When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
• H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
• To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
• When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
• Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
• Water is composed of 2 gins, Oxygin & Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
• Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
• Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
• Respiration is composed of 2 acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
• The moon is a planet just like earth, only it is even deader.
• Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
• Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
• A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
• Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
• The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, & u.
• The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
• The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
• The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
• A permanent set of teeth consists of 8 canines, 8 cuspids, 2 molars, & 8 cuspidors.
• The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
• A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
• Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception.
• Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
• Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
• Liter: A nest of young puppies.
• Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
• Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
• Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
• Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
• Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
• Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
• To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
• For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.
• For drowing: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration.
• For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
• For dog bite: Put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
• For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
• To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.
• For head cold: Use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
• To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
• Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
• Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
• The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.
• Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
• The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.
• To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.
• The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
• A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
• The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
• The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
• To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
• Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
• Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
• Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
• A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
• The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
• The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
• An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
• We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.
• English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.
• By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.
• If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
• Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
• Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.
• A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
• A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
• Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
• A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter.
• The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.
• When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
• It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.
• Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more convulsions.
• For fainting: rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
• For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
• For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
• For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.
• For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
• To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
• For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
• For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.
• For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
• Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
• Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
• When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.
• When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

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