You might be a Geek if...


  • if your spouse hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work
  • if you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
  • if you wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)
  • if you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
  • IF THE ONLY JOKES YOU RECEIVE ARE THROUGH E-MAIL
  • if your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
  • if your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
  • if your idea of a "good read" is the Edmund Scientific Catalog
  • if you can't fit any more colored pens in your shirt pocket
  • if you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
  • if you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
  • if your favorite actor is R2-D2
  • if you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
  • if, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
  • if you drive a Gremlin or Golf with a "Beam Me Up Scotty" bumper sticker
  • if you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
  • if you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
  • if you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
  • if you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
  • if you spend more time on the Comdex floor than in the hospitality suites
  • if you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
  • if you own "Official Star Trek" anything
  • if you have ever debated who was a better:Captain Kirk or Picard
  • if your favorite character on Gilligan's Island was "The Professor"
  • if you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
  • if a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
  • if you thought the concoction ET used to phone home was stupid
  • if you just don't have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics kit you got for your ninth birthday
  • if you think Sales and Marketing are Satan's children
  • if you have never backed-up your hard drive
  • if you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
  • if you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
  • if you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
  • if you see a good design and still have to change it
  • if the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
  • if you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
  • if you think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card
  • if you disdain people who use low baud rates
  • if, when you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head
  • if, on vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel
  • if the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
  • if you are able to argue persuasively that Ross Perot's phrase "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand drawn pie charts
  • if you would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon
  • if you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
  • if you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
  • if you need a checklist to turn on the TV
  • if you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
  • if your wife thinks your taste in ties is bizarre
  • if you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
  • if you carry a list for everything except the groceries
  • if you are always late to meetings
  • if you think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory
  • if you rearrange the dishwasher to maximize the packing factor
  • if you go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects
  • if you find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage handling equipment
  • if your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
  • if you have memorized the program schedule for the discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
  • if you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
  • if in college you thought spring break was a metal fatigue failure
  • if your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
  • if you have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married
  • if you are at an airshow and know how fast the skydivers are falling
  • if your favorite place in San Francisco is the Exploratorium
  • if your Internet bill is larger than your long distance charges
  • if you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
  • if people groan at the party when you pick out the music
  • if you ever forgot to get a haircut...for 6 months
  • if your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her
  • if your favorite James Bond character is "Q", the guy who makes the gadgets
  • if you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers
  • if you rooted for HAL, the computer in 2001, a Space Odyssey
  • if your dress clothes come from Sears or Ross
  • if you think your computer looks better without the cover
  • if you think that when people around you yawn, its because they didn't get enough sleep
  • if you bought your wife a new CD-ROM for her anniversary
  • if you spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring
  • if you are wine tasting and find yourself paying more attention to the cork screws than the '84 Chardonnay
  • if you talk about trellis code modulation at parties
  • if your favorite television show is New Yankee Workshop
  • if your kids refer to you as The Man Who Sleeps With Mommie
  • if you know what http:// stands for
  • if your wardrobe looks like you shop at Goodwill Industries
  • if you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
  • if you bought your wife's valentine gift at Orchard Supply
  • if you can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines
  • if you are still drinking Mr Pibb
  • if you know the altitude limits for turning on and off electronic equipment on commercial flights
  • if you order pizza over the Internet and pay for it through your home banking software
  • if you're in the back seat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a synchronous satellite
  • if your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
  • if everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room
  • if you remember half a dozen passwords and your ten digit Compuserve address, but you have to call your niece "kiddo"
  • if you've already calculated how much you make per second
  • if you do Darth Vader or Battlestar Gallactica impersonations by talking into a spinning fan
  • if your lap-top computer costs more than your car
  • if you walk around with your hands in your two front pockets 99% of the time
  • if all your sentences begin with "What if"
  • if your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate
  • if you talk about the high resolution and picture-in-picture capability of your big screen TV while everybody is watching the Super Bowl
  • if you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel
  • if you are next in line, on death row, in a French prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly so you offer to fix it
  • if the blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it
  • if buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma


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