A DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN
- Argument (ar*gyou*ment)
- n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but hejust hasn't realized it yet.
- Airhead (er*hed)
- n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by apoliceman.
- Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q)
- n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, choppedthe tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up,but, he, "made the dinner."
- Blonde jokes (blond joks)
- n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
- Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope)
- n. Gotta get married in a church.
- Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer)
- n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
- Diet Soda (dy*it so*da)
- n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go witha half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
- Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee)
- n. The last two minutes of a football game.
- Exercise (ex*er*siz)
- v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting tomake a purchase.
- Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list)
- n. What you spend half an hour writing, thenforget to take with you to the store.
- Hair Dresser (hare dres*er)
- n. Someone who is able to create a style you willnever be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
- Hardware Store (hard*war stor)
- n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goesin, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
- Childbirth (child*brth)
- n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; hegets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."
- Lipstick (lip*stik)
- n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of yourmouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
- Park (park)
- v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere andneck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
- Patience (pa*shens)
- n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage andchildren. See also "tranquilizers."
- Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah)
- n. Comes off if you cry, shower,or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
- Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae)
- n. A day when you have dreams of acandlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to geta card.
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