Ten Commandments of AOL
I am Steve Case, your Lord, Thy AOL God, which have brought thee Out of the Land of the Internet Relay Chat, Out of the Bondage of CompuServe...
- Thou shalt sign unto no Alternate Servers before me, for I have the Technology to screw up all thy Credit Card Accounts and shalt do so.
- Thou shalt not take the name of Steve Case, your Lord, thy AOL God, in vain in any chat room - I shalt boot thine ass offline instantly, and repeatedly for all the day & night.
- Thou shalt pick a price plan, I shalt not honor it, I shalt continue to bill thy account at $2.95 per hour just to really piss thou off.
- Remember thy password, for thou shalt sit on hold for all eternity, should thou need to phone AOL.
- Honor thy TOS, and thy Guide Pager, that thy days online be long. (Yes, the boot thine ass thing again)
- Thou shalt not sign on without multiple attempts (I am thinking an hour or so, should worketh for thee).
- Thou shalt not answer thy IM's at thine will - My will be done, applyeth here.Thou shalt not have access to thine Buddy List - the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.
- Thou shalt not go surfing, thou shalt Crawleth ever so slowly, until I boot thine ass offline.
- Thou shalt not bear witness against Steve, thy God, with nasty little petitions. I oweth thee Nada, I promised thee Nada.
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors ISP: Thou shalt not covet the speed at which thy neighbor signs on, picks up E-mail, surfs the net, cruises chat rooms, answers IM's, nor anything thy neighbor can do on his ISP Hey - what the heck did you people expect for $19.95 a month? You let ol' Steve know when $2.95 per hour doesn't look so bad anymore, k?
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